The terms "breaking up" typically conjures up feelings of resentment, hurt, drama and all around icky feelings. Am I right? In my past, breakups were very dramatic, left both parties in pieces and burned a lot of bridges. I didn't realize there was any other way to do it.
In my last relationship, we didn't break up. Truly! We transitioned out of a romantic relationship and into a friendship. I say transition because we didn't break anything. Typical break ups break things- hearts, emotions, souls, etc. Our transition was smooth, sad for sure, but smooth. So, how did we manage this?
First, it's important to find a partner that aligns with your values and who you genuinely like as a person. My favorite thing about Guy and our relationship was we were total buds. We connected beyond our attraction to each other. We looked at the world in similar ways and had similar approaches to life. Second, communicate, communicate, communicate. We were always shared where the other was at so, we always knew where we stood with the other. There weren't any games or having to guess how one of us felt. In addition to communicating, we supported each other through what we shared even if it was different from what the other wanted. For example, I'm ready for kids and Guy, who is ten years my junior, won't be ready for kids for a long while. He never made me feel like I was nuts for wanting kids and being open about that fact. I never tried to rush him, talk him into or berate him for not being ready. We listened to each other, respected where the other stood and loved each other. I can't tell you how nourishing it was to be in a relationship that was 100% supportive.
All of the above meant when I was heading back to the states and we needed to decide what to do about our future, it was relatively easy. Of course, it was sad and we cried together. But, it was gratifying to both of us to leave a great relationship on a high note! For me, it's been a game changer. I feel loved, supported and more rooted in who I am as I move forward and that is the first time I've felt that way coming out of a relationship. Usually, I'm heart broken, questioning myself and feeling like all men suck. This time around, I feel rejunivinated and like men are wonderful. I'm not quite ready to call in my next relationship (I looooovveeee, LIKE LOVE, my alone time and I want to be on my own for the remainder of the year) but when I am, I know I'm starting out so much stronger from this experience.
What about you? How can you experience this too? I'll tell you; do the work, do the work, do the work. It is of the up most importance to take responsibility for the baggage you bring to a relationship so, you're not throwing it on your partner and expecting them to "fix you" or make you happy. If someone does this to you, bye! When you meet someone and you're getting to know them, if you see red flags, bye! Don't stick around to investigate them. Red flags mean stop, do not pass go. It does not mean that person is a bad person they just have to do the work. Our goal is to be fully integrated humans and when we are, we will attract a fully integrated human. And when we do that, magic happens!
If you feel stuck or unsure in your relationships, I would love to connect over a session.