Vulnerability
I am a love coach. What that means is I help my clients find love. The way I do help is by guiding them on rebuilding their inner foundation so that it is rooted in self love, self worth and their own power. Once they have built a foundation and trust in themselves then they can go to call in the relationship of their dreams. How do I know this works? I did it for myself first.
I’ve wanted to coach women for 4 years. I wanted to have this blog for about 5 years. It took me all these years to work out the blocks that were preventing the growth it took me to create this reality for myself. The blog came to be a little over a year ago when I had done enough work to realize all my excuses were bullshit and to just to do the thing. I worried about not being a grammatical wizard but, the call to write was too strong and I had to listen. The same call was coming with coaching. When I started actually coaching clients after YEARS of wanting to do it, it felt like a dream come true. And then all the fear came right up to the surface. Who was I to coach people? I have no idea what I’m talking about! Everyone will think I am a fraud! I’ll fail and everyone will hate me! Are just a few of the fears that popped up once I manifested a coaching practice. In the past this would have completely knocked me down, caused me to cower, quit what I was doing and play it safe. I have followed the play it safe path many, many times because I believed the fear and not in myself. These days though, I handle myself much differently and despite the fear, I keep going. Here’s how I handle the fear popping up and don’t let it stop me:
I recognize what the fear is and what it is not. Our brain is running on old programming from humans were hanging out in caves and hunting and gathering. Our fear programming was beneficial at the time because it helped us from being eaten by sabertooth tigers. Back then we ventured into new territory we were putting ourselves in potential physical danger. Now, we no longer have threats to our survival (the deepest privilege) but, we still have the same programming running in our brain. When we venture out into new territory now, it’s no longer a physical threat but, an emotional one. Our brain process the fear of rejection and failure the same way as a physical threat and thus throws out the fear programming to reign us in and keep us “safe”. Now that I am aware of this, I am able to override the fear programming. When it comes up, I close my eyes and I let all the thoughts come up. I listen to each one and silently say, “Thank you for trying to protect me but, I am safe. You can rest now”. I see that it is old programming meant to prevent me from harm and not, my truth.
When I’m feeling nervous or scared of a new adventure- whether it be taking on clients, embarking on a travel adventure or starting a blog, if fear comes up I know I am in the right spot. I know this because of the above— the fear is showing me I’ve reached my edge and I am pushing out past it. That’s growth. I want to continue to grow, stretch and push myself to new dimensions. Now, when the fear comes up, I get excited because it means I’m on the right path.
When the feelings of “who am I to do this?” or “everyone will think I am a fraud” come up, I stop and really take a minute to ponder those thoughts. I get out my journal and I write out the fear and then I ask if it’s true. I write down all the things I’ve done that I thought “who am I to do this?!” about and still did it anyway. I write down all the ways I have been working towards the thing that scares me and all I’ve been through to get me through this point. This step offers me so much clarity and is a great step for me to sit back and appreciate myself, my path and my abilities.
I celebrate every small victory and job well done’s. It may seem silly to celebrate remembering to call a friend back when I said I would or making sure I got to the farmers market to get the freshest food for myself or meditating daily but, it isn’t. If we do not focus on all the little things that go well and we DO well, we focus on the things that go wrong and we do wrong. This leads to overwhelm, frustration and apathy. It makes it much harder to try be vulnerable and put yourself out there when you think you’re a failure all the time. The more little things you celebrate the more grace you’re able to give yourself because you see 1. you’re actually doing a pretty good job at life 2. you’re doing the very best you can and 3. that’s all we can do.
If you’re feeling fearful and stuck in your patterns, I look forward to connecting over a session.