I feel confused

Have you ever met a potential partner and after hanging out felt confused? Or feel confused after hearing from them and then not hearing from them? Yeah, me too. The confusion can sometimes be mistaken as I should continue to investigate this situation until there is clarity, but I think confusion is a sign things aren’t working out.

It may seem like I’m jumping the gun, but in the beginning of a relationship there is no need for confusion! None. You want your partner to be communicating CLEARY through words AND actions that they are into you and available. As that is how someone who wants to be in a relationship with you will communicate. If they aren’t and you find yourself being confused, 9 times out of 10 they are unavailable and you need to skedaddle out of there.

However, you can absolutely communicate about the confusion first and ask what’s up. Continuing to practice communicating through dating is very important because it will mean you will have more momentum to communicate about topics as you head into a relationship. For example if you went on a date and kissed someone and when texting with you they say something like, “kissing you was so much fun, but we can never do it again” that is confusing. It feels flirty, but also is sending a VERY mixed message. Flirting gets to just be flirting. Adding in the confusion is unnecessary and a sign the guy is unavailable. So, in that scenario I would encourage you to say, “Um, what do you mean we can’t do it again?” and listen to how he responds. If he says something about being friends or doesn’t really give you an answer than he’s unavailable and SEE YA! If he apologizes for the mixed message and then communicates clearly about his interest than keep moving forward.

We deserve to have clarity in how we feel about people and how those people feel about us. If you’re feeling a mixed message or confusion in the way a potential partner is communicating and interacting— SPEAK UP. My anxious attachments this is for you— THIS PERSON IS NOT THE ONLY PERSON OUT THERE. THERE ARE A LOT OF FISHES IN THE SEA! DO NOT SETTLE FOR SOMEONE WHO ISN’T MAKING IT VERY CLEAR THAT THEY ARE INTO YOU THROUGH WORDS AND ACTIONS. Got it? Good.

If you feel stuck about this, I look forward to connecting over a session.