Portal to the past
As I get ready to leave on Saturday for my four month adventure (!), I've been reflecting on my journey in New York. One of my favorite things about this city is when I'm walking down a street, see a certain stoop, corner or spot, I am instantly transported back to a past version of me. I experienced this feeling today when I went to McNally Jackson book store in SoHo. It's my favorite book store to browse the shelves and I love writing in their cafe. When I lived in LES, I was there ALL THE TIME. This morning, as I grabbed a mint iced tea and sat down to journal I was reminded of the girl that used to do the very same thing. That girl was wildly unsure of herself, her place in the world and what she wanted. She was insecure and always on the verge of a panic attack. I realized how much I have grown since that version of me. Now, I am grounded in myself. I have a much clearer picture of who I am but also, who I am striving to become. I am more aware of my shadow side and I am working on not only accepting it but integrating it, rather than trying to shove it down deep where no one can see it (doesn't work). I am clearer on what I want but more importantly, I trust the Universe and the path we are co-creating together. My anxiety has turned down to a very soft whisper and I know how to work with it, when it turns up louder. My life still isn't perfect, I'm still not perfect, nor do I have everything I desire at the moment BUT, I am so much more comfortable being ME.
Sitting in McNally's this morning made me so aware of all the hard work I've put into myself and I saw more accurately all the growth I've achieved. It was a beautiful moment to sit and be in wonder of myself. I was reminded to stop and appreciate where I've been and all that has led me to where I am now. And where I am now is a woman who is really digging the woman she is becoming.
Thank you New York for all your portals to my past selves. It's been a wild ride and I can't wait to see where you take me when I return in March.