Posts in Honest
A guide to enjoying online dating

I’ve been single again for about 7 months. And I’m loving it. Around the end of September and early October, I started to get hints that I was ready to start dating again. I had a couple dreams back to back that showed me I was getting the go ahead from the deepest parts of me to begin to call in my new partner. I sat with the feeling for awhile because I have been truly savoring this season in my life and I’m in no rush to let it end. In November I finally felt ready to listen to the call and start the process of opening my gates once again.

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Foolish games

One of the biggest complaints I hear about dating as a love coach is the amount of games involved when seeing someone. I understand the complaint and I used to have a similar one even though I was out there playing all sorts of game too. Now, I recognizes games are useless and not needed. What is sorely need in place of games is radical vulnerability and boundaries. What’s the difference? Glad you asked!

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How to get over an ex

Whew. This is going to be one my most venerable posts. Why? Well, the stories I share here used to create a lot of shame within me. And though, I don’t feel that shame presently, sharing this still feels raw. It feels really important to share though because I know other humans go through this too. How do we get over an ex we can’t seem to get over?

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Acting my authenticity

“You don’t act like a 30 year old Amanda!”

When I was 30, I managed a yoga studio in upstate NY for about 6 months. It was a huge learning experience, mostly in what I didn’t (and still don’t) want out of a work environment and what kind of behavior I will and will not accept. Also, why living with humans you work for is probably not the greatest idea. At one point during this 6 month stint, the owner of the studio I managed and I got in a fight about something trivial. However, I do remember vividly when she lashed out at me with the insult of, “You don’t act like a 30 year old Amanda!”. I was so wounded by her accusation and felt like I had been found out for the fraud I was and felt immense shame.

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It's your wounds

When I was in college I met a boy and we dated on and off for a year. I was very in love with him but could never fully express my feelings because the relationship never felt secure. He never told me how he felt about me for one and for two we barely saw each other despite the fact that we lived a whole 5 minutes from the other and went to the same college. We also cheated on each other! It was a weird relationship to say the least. But, I couldn’t let him go! Even after we broke up and he was dating someone else, I was still his side chick. I told my friends at the time even though logically I understood why I should walk away, my heart wouldn’t let me.

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Crazy women

Have you ever been called crazy? I have. I've been called it to my face and behind my back. Both are equally demeaning and heartbreaking. I hear a lot of men call their ex girlfriends or women they aren't interested in as "crazy" but, I mostly hear women calling other women "crazy". It drives me nuts (pun intended) and I think it needs to stop. 

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Shift to neutral

How do you talk about a guy who recently spurned you with your girlfriends? Not so great I would guess. It's common, we all do it and egg each other on each time. "He was a dick!", you'll tell a friend to ease the sting of a recent heart break. "He is emotionally stunted and fuck him!", you'll console your friend who just got ghosted. Right? I've done it a thousand times. It seems harmless right? It isn't. 

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Dating disasters

Dating is weird...prickly even. See what I did there? All kidding aside, I was single for 8 years in New York and dated A LOT. I've had 1,000 (rough estimate) first dates and probably had my heart broken as many times. NYC is a tough place to look for love. When I was about to move to New York, I read a magazine article that said if I was looking for a husband to move to Denver because I wouldn't find one in NYC. I believe I know the reason why.

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Live big, love big

Do you ever feel like you have to stand still to find love? I sure did. It's part of the reason I put off traveling for so long. It felt very scary to leave and be nomadic when I wasn't already in a relationship. It is, of course, the irony of the Universe that the moment I went traveling, I found my partner and entered into a beautiful 7 month relationship. The thing I was fearful would prevent me from finding love is exactly how I found it!

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Dreams need space

When I was younger and right up until last year actually, I believed that because I wasn't the kind of writer I wanted to be in that moment, I never would be. I thought if I wasn't born Fitzgerald, Elizabeth Gilbert, Zadie Smith or Nicole Kraus then what's the point? I couldn't be a writer because I clearly didn't have the natural born talent of the writers I admire most. I created this road block in my mind and no matter how many detours I took, I couldn't get past it. The road block inevitably stopped me. My grammar is C + at best and my spelling isn't great without spell check so, as a result my sentences are clunky. I let this hinder me and told my dream of being a writer to go wither and die somewhere because it wasn't going to happen for me.

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