Heartbreak is a real bitch. Amirite? I experienced it this past month and it's been a real doozy.
I took off just under a year off from dating, last August, because I felt like I needed a moment to focus on my self and not worry about a guy. It was great! Not putting myself out there felt really good; I wasn't looking at my phone wishing for someone to text me (suddenly my phone wasn't my enemy) and there was little to no drama in my life. However, not putting myself out there also meant I wasn't receiving what I was calling in- a healthy, loving relationship. So, at the end of this past May, I got brave, and waded out into the dating waters once again. I started out feeling so good and confident. I wasn't attached to the outcome of dating because I was focused on my life. And my life was/is good! I was enjoying the process and finding gratitude for every step. If I felt a man's eyes on me, I found gratitude for being seen and asked for more. If a man flirted with me, I found gratitude for flirting and asked for more, etc. I was finally having fun dating! And then, I met someone. At the very start I kept up the practices above; grateful for every sweet text, flirty exchange and meaningful glance but zero attachment to any specific outcome. Then something started to shift and while I was still enjoying every single minute, I became not only very sure of what the outcome would be but, very attached to said outcome. As life does, it took a sharp turn and my sure thing and I parted ways. It was for a good reason and one that I understood completely. However, I was still fucking heartbroken it hadn't worked out like I had been so sure it would. I was in actual physical pain from the ordeal. It was hard to eat at first and I truly wanted to just curl up in a ball and cry for days on end. I gave myself a couple of days to do just that, curl in a ball and cry, and then I got up and started doing something about my heartbreak. I found the below things (besides not texting. Don't do it!) have helped immensely in my handling of the situation and how I've moved on. If you're going through something similar check out the below and perhaps it will help you too!
Work, work, work
No, not 9-5 work but, self work. After the guy and I broke things off, I immediately signed up for Love Masterclass with Danny and Mara. They are a couple I have followed for years and love what they preach-- self love! In the master class they teach you what helped them not only get through their biggest trials but, how they thrived inside of them. The next week my boss offered me her Tony Robbins ticket. Life changing seminar! This month, I'm doing a healing ritual in upstate NY and a Reiki training. My mentor and teacher, Lacy, has also given me lots of neuroplasticity meditations that I'm doing every night. Needless to say, self work is my main source of healing. It's helped me process in a way that has been incredibly healthy (read: I am not beating myself up or blaming myself in anyway. In fact, this is the first time after a "breakup" where I'm not questioning myself and what I did wrong!).
Pick up new hobbies
This is definitely a moment where if I let myself, I will stare at my phone all night and try to will this guy to text me. It doesn't work. It's also not productive. It is sad that he and I didn't work out but, guess who it did work out with? Me! And I owe it to myself to keep making my life full, exciting and passionate. I added two new hobbies to continue to further my growth and passion- training for a marathon (2018 not, the one happening in 3 months) and re-learning french. Running has been such a blessing! I have never approached running as determined as I am at this moment. I've been saying I wanted to run a marathon for years but, never did anything about it. I got tired of making excuses. I feel so strong and capable during every run and so proud when I finish. It's making me realize I can do anything I set my mind to and it really just takes doing it, to get it done. I'm up to 5 miles and running 6 this weekend! I'm approaching re-learning French the same way. I took French for 4 years between middle school and high school but do not remember one word. I feel like my soul speaks French and finally got tired of hearing myself say I wanted to be fluent and doing nothing to further that goal. You know how you become fluent? Practice! So, I signed up for classes, changed the language on my phone to French and am listening to French podcasts. Doing it! Finding new hobbies not only helps you move on from your heartbreak it also reinvigorates your spark for life and that is the most attractive quality we can have.
Move your body
This doesn't have to mean get to the gym either. Although, if you love the gym, get thee booty to the gym. It can also just be dancing! At the Tony Robbins seminar I attended he spoke about how dancing can alter your state from a lower vibration emotion to a higher vibration emotion. So, shake that ass! I actually hosted a shake-that-ass challenge on my Instagram for a week, that only I participated in, for this very reason. I was feeling very sad so anytime I got down, frustrated, whatever I shook my ass! Or if I was feeling good or proud of myself for wanting to text the guy and not, I shook my ass to celebrate. Moving your body in anyway that feels good for you will help pull you out the blues and lift you back up to feeling good!
Get back out there
This is the hardest one for me. I do not open up easily. I have a lot of walls up to prevent myself from getting hurt. When I do venture out and get hurt, it means I hide myself away for long periods of time to recover. This time is much different. While, I am more hurt than I've been in a long time, I'm not hiding myself away. I am putting myself right back out there. I've heard over and over again since this happened, the way to success is to keep trying again and again until you get what you want. Don't we always hear those stories of the person chasing their dream, who got told no a million times but they never gave up? The never giving up, changing their approach and continuing to try until it happened is what landed them their dream. So, same applies to relationships. It sucks when they don't work out but, we have to dust ourselves off and keep going. So, I am still dating! Nothing exciting or all that interesting yet but, I have faith! And I'm enjoying the process in the meantime.
My last tip and I think the most important one; faith. Faith is paramount because if you have an underlying belief something will never happen for you- relationships, dream career, big house, travel, etc-- it never will. The Universe provides what we are willing to settle for or what we believe we are worth. We are worth everything our heart desires friends! Never, ever, ever, lose faith in that or believe differently. I have been guilty of believing less in the past but, through all the work I've done, I know better now. What I seek is seeking me. I have 100% faith my partner is out there. No matter how many no's I get, I will NOT lose my faith.
And there you have it! My fool proof guide to navigating heartbreak. Let me know if any of these things help or don't. If you need help or want to be guided through your experience, reach out and we can set up a session.