Texting etiquette


Alright, I’m going break down texting and dating once for all. It was always confusing to me before I figured out my philosophy on it but once I did, it made the whole texting debacle a lot easier.

Do you wait for the dude to text you or do you text him first? My philosophy is in the beginning stages of dating, let the guy reach out to you. Here’s why: if you want to take on the feminine role in partnership this allows the dude to take on the masculine role and the masculine initiates. A note on feminine and masculine language- this is not related to gender as we have both masculine and feminine inside of all of us and thus we can choose which energy we want to lead with no matter our gender.

What is the feminine? The feminine receives and is the non verbal emotion energy, our right hemisphere brain. The masculine is the initiator and verbal, our left hemisphere brain. If we want to embody the feminine energy in the beginning of a partnership than we allow the masculine to come to us. What does this look like? It’s allowing the masculine to initiate communication and asking us out. The feminine energy receives, decides if she/they are interested and expresses her/their interest.

For me, when I meet a man I’m interested in, I am looking to embody the feminine energy and I want to be pursued. I allow the man to take the masculine energy and initiate with me- he reaches out via text (although, I do prefer a phone call for connecting. Texts are good for logistical convos), asks me out, etc. However, as the feminine energy the way I hold space for that is, if I’m interested, I express my interest regularly and genuinely. This communicates to them to continue to pursue me. This courtship period extends until the point in the relationship where potential partners establish what’s happening between the the two of them. When this occurs, it’s perfectly in line for the female energy partner to initiate communication and suggest hanging out. And once in a relationship, I think the roles of masculine and feminine very naturally switch between partners depending on what’s happening, as it feels good and in the flow.

Okay, so what if you’re a woman wanting to embody the feminine but the guy isn’t pursuing you? He probably isn’t the right guy for you. Having boundaries and knowing the way you want your partner to show up allows you to clear out the bullshit a lot quicker and easier. Don’t take it personally or make it a marker of their lack— it’s neither. We all have a right to show up the way that feels authentic to us. The more we get clear on what that looks like for us then we get to meet other humans who like to show up in a way that compliments us. And if they don’t, wish them well and keep moving. Remember, it’s never our job to change someone or tell someone how they “should” be. Our job is to show up as authentically as possible and find others doing the same.

If you’re having trouble navigating dating, I look forward to connecting over a session.