Do you walk into a room and try to find the most attractive person there to catch their eye and see if they are vibing with you? What about if you know a cute guy/girl will be at a certain spot and you wear the jeans that makes your ass look great so they will notice you? If you answered yes this is called intriguing.
Intriguing is the above actions and is seeking validation behavior. When we are trying to get the attention of the hottest person in the room or when a hot human walks in and we are trying to be noticed by them, we are actually seeking their approval. If they approve/find us attractive/come say hi than we will get a hit of dopamine and feel high. We feel good about ourselves. If they do not meet our eye/come say hi etc, we will most likely assume it’s because we are unattractive and worthless and end up feeling like shit. We are still looking outside for someone to tell us we are good enough through conveying we are hot/sexy/interesting/cool or whatever.
It may seem like innocent behavior to want to be noticed by humans you find attractive, but it can indicate a lower self worth. And now, you might be thinking, “Well, how will I meet anyone if I’m not trying to get their attention?!”. You will meet a whole, integrated human by showing up to places, events feeling 100% in your worth, inwardly validating yourself and not needing someone else’s approval!
When we are intriguing we are also leading with our looks and using them as a sort of commodity. When we strip that away and feel rooted in our worth and our authenticity, we can lead with our whole self. We can just be human and not need TO BE anything for anyone. We can just show up.
Now for the challenge. Try giving up intrigue behavior for 30 days and see how you feel. Notice when you walk outside and into places if you want to intrigue. Becoming aware of all outward seeking validation behavior can be hugely enlightening because it shows you where the work is still needed to raise your self worth. When I’ve given this homework to clients they are shocked at not only how much they are intriguing, but also at how much relief they feel to no longer be engaging in the behavior. It allows them to just be themselves, be human and take off the pressure to be someone else or someone more, in most cases. It helps them, as they do the work, to realize they are enough. Quitting intrigue is a very powerful practice that will help raise your self worth. Try it!
If you feel stuck in this regard or are needing guidance, I look forward to connecting over a session.