Single and the Holidays
Being single around the Holidays tends to get a bad rap. Movies depict this scenario as being sad and the single person (it’s usually a woman) longing for love. And the trope has stuck. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Being single isn’t a curse or something we are afflicted with or a burden. Being single is a time of self discovery, exploration and being selfish. Being selfish also gets a bad rap because there’s a connotation of putting yourself before others and that being negative. However, we have to put ourselves first in order to serve others. Side note, if one is putting themselves before others to the determent of their relationships, that is probably narcism and a very different thing. Being single is a time where you get to build your life and make it full according to your standards. Don’t know what you’re standards are? GREAT! This is what being single is all about. The Holiday season is no different and when you flip your perspective being single during them is suddenly not so bad. In fact, being single during the holidays can be fun!
Being single around the Holidays is THE BEST. Do you know why? Let me list my top three reasons:
You only have to visit one family- yours OR you can ditch the fam and go on a fun get-away or you can do friendsgiving/friendmas. Either way, you and only you get to decide. SCORE!
You can leave whatever gathering, party or function you’re attending whenever feels best for you. No checking in with your partner to see if they want to leave or want to stay. You get to stay out until the sun comes up or leave by 9pm so you’re reading in bed by 9:30pm- always my choice.
You get to start your own traditions— extra points if they are ones you thought you needed a partner to do. When I was younger I couldn’t wait to be in a serious relationship and send out a holiday card together. The only problem was I didn’t have a partner. I said, screw it! and did it anyway. For years, I sent out a solo holiday card and I loved doing something sweet, funny and all mine.
Here’s the thing, being single at any time is a celebration of you. I know we, as women, have been made to feel like without a partner we are lacking. We are not! There will always be those pesky questions from well intentioned family members that are annoying. Questions like, “So why don’t you have a boyfriend/husband yet?” do sting. I get it. And here’s how I deal with them. I remember the most important rule of all- when someone is asking a rude question or trying to assert their opinion on my life, that it’s never about me and always about them. The well meaning family member might be dealing with their own relationship issues that they are feeling insecure about or secretly wishing they were single because they married young. We don’t know what other people are dealing with so, don’t take it personally. Secondly, I remember that just because others might have partners does not mean they are happy and fulfilled! Relationships do not cure our woes. Lastly, when these kind of questions pop up I steer the conversation towards how full my life is at the moment and all the wonderful things I’m currently excited about. There is an assumption that a single life is a less full than a life of partnership and this assumption is very wrong. When we find ourselves single it is the time to build the life we dream of and one that fills us up. Can we still want a partner to join us in that life? Absolutely! Are we waiting for them to begin our lives- FUCK NO. Our partners are always the cherry, never the sundae.
The holiday season can be emotional for a lot of people. Hopefully, being single during this time of year is not adding to any blues. Your season of singleness is your time and I want you to embrace it and let it empower you, during the holidays and beyond!
If you’re feeling stuck in your journey with finding a partner, I look forward to connecting over a session.