Have you ever felt like you won't be able to attract a partner in until you lose 10lbs, tone up, do more squats to lift your butt? I have. Not only is it a lie, it's also a huge block to finding real, lasting love. For years, when I saw a cute guy I would immediately dismiss him finding me attractive because I was too, insert perceived body flaw, and would immediately shut down energetically. Shutting down energetically made me feel small and I literally shrank away and out of this person's view. My limited belief was the guy would only see my flaws and therefore find me not good enough.
Here's the thing: when we are in love, we are not looking at our partners flaws. I'm not talking about putting on rose tinted glasses and not seeing red flags or bad behaviors either. When you truly love someone, you don't want to control them or change them. You see them fully, see their weakness and strengths and love them for the whole package. However, the way you feel that love for someone is by first, feeling it for yourself.
Whenever I hear someone harshly judging someone else's body, I always feel sad for them because I know, the judgment they are showing is only half of how they judge themselves. This was definitely true for me! At the height of my body shame, I was very judgmental of others bodies too. The reason being, what I see inside, I see outside. Even when I was shutting down around cute men, I would find myself lashing out at them with harsh judgements to soften the blow of the rejection I was sure they were sending my way! When I began doing the work on myself, I started to heal one of the main reasons for my body shame. When I was 12 my then step dad told me I was chubby and needed to lose weight. I did a lot of reprogramming around that comment and a lot of healing. Looking the comment in the face and realizing it wasn't true and had to do with my step dad's own short comings, allowed me to go back to my younger self and empower her. After doing the work, when I heard a limited belief about my body, I was able to see it and send it away as a lie I don't believe anymore.
So, how can we start to heal our relationship to our bodies and release the block this creates to finding love? First, do the work to dig down where specific limited beliefs around your body may come from, like the step dad comment for me, and heal it. Second, stop reading magazines, following influencers that perpetuate societies ideal body type and instead follow people that make you feel empowered about the way your body looks NOW (not what it could look like). The next two steps are practices I use regularly that help me amp up my body love. In addition to these I also, eat clean foods that make me FEEL good, get good sleep (well, I try. Sleeping is hard for me), move my body and surround myself with positive people.
Love your body practices:
Take a washcloth, fill up your sink with warm water and soak the wash cloth. Starting with your feet, use slow circular strokes, working up to your heart, to gently wash each part of you. As you work, say out loud or in your mind, the thing you love most about that body part. NO NEGATIVE comments allowed or passive aggressive ones either. For example, when I do this, I tell my feet I love their high arches, my thighs for being strong, etc. Don't stop until you've gotten all the way to the very top of your head. After your rub down, sit with the warm glow and warm words.
I do this next one after meditating but, you can just sit quietly for a few minutes first if you don't have a meditation practice: after your meditation, imagine a warm, white light surrounding your toes. Feel the light seep through the skin, the bones, the muscles, and the cells. Slowly, work the light up every inch of your body. I like to imagine, it's illuminating my body and I can now see the inside myself as each part of me is lit up. Allow yourself to take time on a certain area and allow the light to cleanse a spot that needs extra attention. For me, I always spend a lot of time on my stomach area and uterus. Move the light all the way up through the top of your head and then sit with the warm glow for 2 minutes, breathing deeply and easily.
The more you begin to love your body, fully, not despite it's imperfection but, just loving your body for exactly what it is (a wonderful, magical, powerful machine) the more you will allow yourself to be seen. The more you allow yourself to be seen, the more you'll start attracting in partners who SEE you and love you, the way you love yourself. Fully, truly and completely.