As a love coach, most of my clients seek me out because they want to get into a relationship and haven't had any luck. I can completely understand their turmoil because I myself have ben through a similar longing. They are often very surprised (and resistant!) when I tell them to take a 3-6 month break from dating. "But! I want a relationship", they exclaim. It may seem counter intuitive to take a break from the very thing you want but, it isn't. Here's why.
Often when clients get to me they have been inside of their limited beliefs/old programming since forever and are stuck in loops. They continue to call in the same guy over and over and end up in what one of my clients brilliantly called a "situationship". They are frustrated! They are convinced all the good guys live in some other place other than where they are or something is inherently wrong with them and they will end up alone. Sound familiar? It does to me too! I felt the same way! However, we aren't calling in the partner best suited to us because we haven't done the work on ourselves first. The reason why we haven't found the love we want is not because we are unworthy of love. It's because we haven't found how worthy we really are and stood inside that power.
Making the brave and bold declaration of taking a break from dating to do the work is sending a very strong message out to the Universe. The message is you are finally going to stop chasing external factors for your worth and instead turn inward. The message is you're learning to love yourself and taking time to do that to make you a better partner. During the break, it's time to get your hands dirty and do the work. I give my clients 3 months of homework to work on during this time to begin to lay a strong, solid foundation inside themselves. This foundation is how they will, after the 3-6 months, begin to call in a whole new kind of partner-- one that actually aligns with what they truly want versus your subconscious limiting belief calling what they thought they were worth. The foundation is also how we strengthen ourselves, our container, so we may hold all that we are calling in. Have you ever manifested something, freaked out and then watched the thing you've so desperately wanted vanish right before your eyes? I have too! It's because I didn't have a strong foundation inside myself to hold what I was calling in. And that's okay. It's part of our growth. Nothing that is meant for us will miss us so, a better more in align version will always come back around.
The idea for taking a break from dating is usually very scary. We are scared we will miss out on "the one" if we do this. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Instead of missing out, we tune in. We start to clear old the old rickety framework we have left over from childhood full of trauma, limiting beliefs and old programming no longer serving us. Once we clear that we lay the groundwork for the foundation that will be solid, sturdy and a platform for us to catapult into higher levels. It is inside the foundation we will stand rooted in our worth and innate power. From that place, we can move forward with intention and intuition. We will communicate to the Universe, "I know what I am seeking and I am ready". We will stop wasting our time and precious energy with things that are not serving us like potential matches who are not seeking what we are seeking. The fear around the break is good and one I tell my clients to embrace and use. When the fear comes up it is a white flag waving at you and showing where there is more healing to be done.
I highly encourage taking 3-6 months from dating if you've been wanting a relationship and instead of only been finding situationships and bad dates. If you need support and guidance through the process, I look forward to connecting over a session.