I cannot count the number of times I have heard a human say the following, “It’s impossible to meet someone in person!”. I whole heartily disagree with this statement. However, it is understandable why humans have begun to think this way- the internet has made it so we don’t have to interact in person but, can instead interact online. We, especially New Yorkers, are running around with a 900 million things to do and so turned on by idea of how “busy” we are, tell ourselves we don’t have “time” to meet someone in person. These are bullshit excuses. Meeting someone in person is easy! In fact, I’ve met all my past boyfriends in the wild!
Meeting someone “in the wild” as I like to call it, is easy, it also requires a little effort and patience. First and foremost, let’s break up with the idea of being busy. It’s a pointless ego driven excuse to work ourselves into exhaustion. Cool. Now, let’s open our gates. Opening the gates is a term I coined in college when I was coaching all my girlfriends and how to meet a cute boy at whatever bar/party we were going that night. It meant being open to receive what the Universe was trying to give us. When we are running around the city and trying to do 900 million things we have closed ourselves off or our gates. We put out an energy that says, “do not talk to me, look at me, interact with me in any way!” and of course with that energy surrounding us we don’t meet anyone. First things first, we need to look at why we are so closed down. What pain are we hiding? What limiting belief are we covering up? We need to dig down our fears and insecurities to their root so we can heal and learn we don’t have to close ourselves off to be safe. We are safe because we got ourselves- we are are fully rooted in our worth, power and well being. Once we know this then we can start to have some fun!
The easiest way to open ur gates is to practice. For the next two weeks I offer you a challenge- every time you make eye contact with a stranger, hold the eye contact and smile before going about your business. I love when I get random smiles while I’m walking down the sidewalk! Who doesn’t? This small interaction will help you begin to get out of your own head, shift the energy you’re putting out and begin the process of opening your gates.
After two weeks of smiling at strangers let’s up the ante and for the next two weeks anytime you see a human you’re attracted to hold their eye contact and smile. Maybe a flirty smile! Maybe a smirk. Maybe a wink! Who knows. Get uncomfortable. This was a major practice for myself when I was healing a limiting belief I had about not being worthy of men I found attractive. I went through a long period of time (10 years-ish) where any time I saw a cute guy, I would advert my eyes really quickly and shame myself for thinking a guy like that one would think I was cute too. I found the challenge of holding eye contact with attractive men and smiling incredibly empowering. It showed me I was cutting myself off before I even gave them a chance to try— I was closing my gates— and that was worse than smiling at a man and having him not smile back. And when they didn’t smile back? Who cares?! I was doing this experiment for me and for me alone and it genuinely helped me feel empowered and open. This a good place to note that these challenges aren’t about anyone else but you. It’s showing yourself that you have the strength to be vulnerable and open to receive attention and interaction with other people. It requires strength and a deep sense of worth to be vulnerable. We all deserve to build this for ourselves! And guess what? Most of the time, they do smile back.
Once you’ve completed the above two challenges the next one is for two weeks begin conversations with people. Let it be anyone. A woman standing next to you in line who has cute shoes you love or a older man standing next to you on a subway platform with a magazine you’ve recently read. This may seem VERY uncomfortable and good! It’s supposed to be. It takes courage to be vulnerable and it also takes practice. Some people may not want to interact and in those cases, respect their wishes and do not take it personally. Allow yourself to get comfortable being uncomfortable and start conversations with anyone who strikes you. I was recently at a skate shop and the owner started chatting me up. We had a lovely conversation and he pointed me in the way of an art show happening that night. I didn’t have plans and love seeing new art so I was thrilled! It wasn’t a romantic connection but having the interaction is practice for meeting humans out in the wild. It keeps my gates open to receive what I’m looking to call in and the same applies to us all.
So yes, 99.9% of these challenges won’t lead to a romantic connection in the moment and that’s great because it isn’t the point. What these challenges are doing is getting you more familiar with being vulnerable and opening up. It’s these two things that will allow you to meet a partner in the wild and not be reliant for doing so online. I also want to point out that I am an introvert and still am able to do this. No excuses- When your gates are open you will be very surprised at what begins to come your way!
If you are feeling stuck in this area, I look forward to connecting over a session.