It's your wounds


When I was in college I met a boy and we dated on and off for a year. I was very in love with him but could never fully express my feelings because the relationship never felt secure. He never told me how he felt about me for one and for two we barely saw each other despite the fact that we lived a whole 5 minutes from the other and went to the same college. We also cheated on each other! It was a weird relationship to say the least. But, I couldn’t let him go! Even after we broke up and he was dating someone else, I was still his side chick. I told my friends at the time even though logically I understood why I should walk away, my heart wouldn’t let me.

This is a common sentiment among us. We know in our heads that the guy is wrong for us but our heart doesn’t know any better and so we stay. BULLSHIT. Your heart doesn’t make you stay with a guy who treats you like dirt/cheats/is emotionally unavailable! Our hearts are really smart and only want our highest good for us. Do you know what does keep you with the wrong guy? YOUR WOUNDS. It’s not your heart (never your heart) that is keeping you locked in a situation of suffering. Never. It is the wounds we carry around from our childhood that keeps us in pain or chasing a dude who is just not that interested. I romanticized my situationship I described above and thought my heart wanted all the ups/downs, on/offs and unknowns. All that actually was, was drama. My subconscious led me into a relationship that would mimic feelings i experienced as child that had hurt me but I couldn’t process at the time. In doing so, it was trying to get me to work out my past hurts by experiencing them in an effort for closure. All I got was more hurt! My heart wasn’t leading. My subconscious patterns/limiting beliefs and actions aka my wounds were leading.

So, what to do? First, stop blaming our hearts! Our heart has 40,000 neurons and processes information it then feeds to the brain. It can sense, regulate and remember all the data it receives and through the vegas nerve and spinal cord sends this info straight to the brain. However, when we are under the veil of the subconscious—meaning unaware of our wounds— we are constantly in a state of either stress of fear. This fight or flight response puts a damper on a cognitive abilities and our brain can’t process all the information it’s getting and make the proper decisions. It’s impaired. Our heart isn’t being heard clearly by our brain when we are not “awake” to our wounds! We have to do the hard work of looking at ourselves, our patterns and our shadow. We have to dive deep into our darkness with pure faith that in doing so we will find our light. And we will.

it isn’t our hearts leading us astray. It is our wounds. So, let’s heal them.

If you’re feeling stuck on how to navigate your wounds, I look forward to connecting over a session.