Dating in the suburbs
Q: I recently moved from the city of Chicago to the suburbs of Chicago and moved in with my parents. I’ve been on the dating apps for a couple of months, but haven’t found anyone that I would be attracted to on there. I am looking for a guy who is ambitious and driven. From what I’ve seen on the apps, I don’t feel like that is the suburbs. How can I call in the caliber of guy I’m looking for while living here?
A: Ah, yes I know this predicament well. I hear it often; “I live in x,y,z place and it’s too hard to date here. The kind of guy I want isn’t here.” Quite often it’s big-city folk with this mindset, but I’m happy to see someone out of a big city asking a similar question. Happy because I want to empower every human to know they can date where they live, no matter how hard they think it may be.
For you, in particular, I would suggest looking internally and finding where you are lacking motivating, ambition and drive. You mentioned moving in with your parents? Why did you move back in with your parents? Did you need to? Was it a life/death situation? If not, what I can see is that you are actually feeling like you’re lacking ambition/drive for YOUR life and when you try to meet someone that is being mirrored back to you. This is why I love dating! Dating shows you EXACTLY where you are and what areas are strong and what area could use strengthening. If we were working together, I would guide you to re-finding your ambition, create a plan to get you out of your parent’s house and into your own and really start building a life that feels like a full sundae to you. Working on the internal will change the external circumstances and it’s so fun to learn this lesson because it feels empowering. Don’t like what you’re seeing in your dating pool? What don’t you like exactly? Get specific. This is usually a reflection of what you don’t like in yourself. There’s the work! Do that and your dating pool changes.
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Image via Shirin Abedinirad