Single and coaching

I don’t get this question too often, but it does come up. “Why are you single if you’re a relationship coach?” I know the person asking the question is not meaning any harm, although there has been a snarky person or two, but it still used to sting when this question was posed to me. When I first started coaching, I was newly out of a relationship and almost didn’t start coaching because I was single. Right before I launched my sessions, I messaged Jenna Zoe about starting and how to do it as a projector and posed the question to her— Can I do this if I’m single? She replied without hesitation, “YES!”.

Through this work, I’ve come to realize my work is not really about romantic relationships. My work is about my client's relationship with themselves. My clients are single, married, in a relationship, exploring and many other variations because as the saying goes, no matter where you go there you are. It is through the strengthening of the relationship with ourselves that will allow us to find fulfilling, healthy and loving relationships outside ourselves. Yes, the majority of my clients are looking to find healthier romantic relationships, but the work we do together is all about creating a healthier relationship with themselves. It affects everything.

Once I understood that my work is actually about guiding others on having a better relationship with themselves and thus a solid foundation on which to build any other relationship, my fear of needing to be in a “perfect relationship” myself has started to fade. My relationship with myself is pretty dang good. I’ve worked tirelessly to lay a solid foundation for myself and root there so I may harness my full potential. I’m not perfect and I make mistakes. I’m so grateful that now I have the tools I have to pick myself up after a mistake and find grace for myself versus beat myself to a pulp for making one. I teach my clients to do this too. I focus on my progress and am diligent to remind myself to not chase perfection. I teach my clients this lesson over and over. Relationships are mirrors and I find each one valuable and a success, even the tests. I am here for self-growth and expansion and every relationship I encounter is an opportunity for both as relationships show me where I still have work to do AND the areas in which I’ve been able to strengthen. The relationship process now is all about my personal growth, not about getting it “right” or a partner completing me and it means dating is FUN. I aim to teach my clients how to create low stakes for themselves too so their whole dating process is fun and not a drag. I teach their fulfillment, happiness and peace rests nowhere, but their own shoulders.

This work has also allowed me to get honest about what I’m looking for and what I’m not. I’m not in a rush for kids and marriage isn’t something I need so, my approach to dating right now isn’t the way it was even at the beginning of this year. I’ve had to untangle what I thought I “should be doing” with what I want and my desires don’t follow a traditional path. Do you know what’s incredible about that fact? It deepens the work I do with my clients! I can meet them where they are, see their desires and help them untangle their own not truths so they may live their path versus the one that’s been carved for them.

I wanted to write about this not only to share more about my journey + philosophy but also to show that you don’t have to be perfect to get started doing what you dream of doing. Start where you are and take the first steps. If you wait until you’re "ready” or “perfect” you’ll be waiting for the rest of your life. The difference between you and someone you see doing what you want to be doing is that they are out there, not knowing all of the answers too and showing up anyway. What have you been putting off because you don’t feel ready or perfect for yet?

If you’re looking to deepen your relationship with yourself in order to live a more fulfilling life, I look forward to connecting over a session.