Text energy

As my friend Kat would say, I have a WORD for you today. Ready?

IF YOU’RE PAYING ATTENTION TO HOW MUCH SOMEONE IS TEXTING YOU THAN YOU ARE GIVING THEM TOO MUCH ATTENTION.

This article is for my humans with anxious attachments because they will be the ones who are hyper-vigilant to any change in the text frequency and tone when newly dating someone. It’s not only unhelpful but also not always an accurate way to gauge the relationship and its progress. You might be thinking to yourself, “How on EARTH could I not pay attention to how much the person I like is texting me?!” I’ve asked the same question. When we are hyper-focused on how much a potential partner is texting it’s another way of seeking external validation; Do you like me enough to not leave me? Are you paying me enough attention? What do we do when we are externally reaching out for validation of our worth? WE BRING IT BACK HOME!

When you find yourself obsessing about texts I want you to do the following:

1. STEP AWAY FROM THE PHONE.

2. Bring it back to you. When you’re looking outside yourself for validation a fantastic way to refocus that energy is to bring the focus back on you.

   1. Catch the obsessing thoughts about texting and thank yourself for noticing. Put your hand on your heart and ask yourself what you need. Attention? Give yourself some!

   2. Ask yourself the following questions: what are 3 things you’re feeling passionate about right now? What are 3 things you’re feeling really good about? What are three things you’re grateful for right now?

3. Get present. If you don’t like the above questions then focus on getting present. Name five things you see in front of you at that very moment. Black mailbox, blue cup, grey shoes, white sign, red hat, etc. It will anchor you back at the moment and pull your attention back to the here and now, which is is where your attention will better serve you.

Repeat this as MUCH as you need to and in the beginning, it might be a lot. And that’s okay. This is a great thing to begin to notice because the more you can detach from hyper-vigilance the better. The obsessive worrying is due to wanting to know if you will be abandoned and preventing the abandonment. An adult can’t be abandoned, but a child can. When we are activated and being hyper-vigilant it’s a good sign we are acting out of our inner child and not our adult self. Also, this can be a sign you might be moving too fast in the new dating process and could slow it back down again to allow yourself some time to refocus your attention back on you…where it belongs.

If you’re having trouble with your attachment style, I look forward to connecting over a session.