Are you meeting a emotionally unavailable guy after emotionally unavailable guy and wondering what the heck is going on? What’s going on is you’re in a pattern and to break out of it you need to press the pause button. And by press the pause button I mean, take a beak from dating.
When clients come to me who are in this pattern of finding emotionally unavailable guy after emotionally unavailable guy, my first order of business for them is stop dating. It’s typically a short-ish period of time, 1-3 months, depending on the person and their situation. The pause is incredibly helpful however because it will allow the anxious attachment style brain to get out of the excess dopamine coursing through them from being in an activated state. Once the dopamine goes back to normal levels, their serotonin (allowing them to feel good!) can rise again and along with my guidance they can start to the deep spiritual work to dig into subconscious and reprogram their relationship patterns.
I know it can seem counter intuitive to come to a relationship coach and get told to stop dating when you want a relationship, but it really isn’t. The pause will give you space to let your brain chemicals reconfigure because you’ll allow yourself to get out of the your activated state that puts you in the parasympathetic nervous system (fight and flight) and get you into your sympathetic nervous system (rest and digest). When you are deactivated there is more opportunity to do the deep work needed, notice the pattern, notice you are in control of said pattern and do the work to begin to change programming. It also allows you to begin to develop a homeostasis and through breath work, visualization and meditation find a secure base within yourself. And once you are a secure base for you, you’re more likely to choose a secure partner because you will know how it feels.
During this pause we start working on raising the persons self worth and the first step to that is creating boundaries. Taking a pause from dating, when done with this intention to heal (not to hide), is a a strong boundary. It shows yourself and your inner child you are present, showing up and taking care of YOU. Calling in a conscious, healthy and loving relationship requires you to be conscious, healing and loving towards yourself. My work is always focused on first building high self worth and self love in my clients because it’s from that place a beautiful romantic relationship can be created.
If you’re meeting unavailable guy after unavailable guy, I look forward to connecting with you over a session.