Pushing boundaries


If you’ve worked with me, you know I give out dating plans. I like to give clients structure on how to date with boundaries so that they may feel safe, supported and clear headed. The dating plan is pretty different than the casual dating culture rhetoric. It can be challenging to follow too! Even if you haven’t worked with me you might have your own dating plan and have boundaries you plan on holding as you move into getting to know a potential partner. So, what happens when you don’t hold those boundaries?

Is everything lost? Did you fuck everything up? NO! Not even close. My dating plan I give clients is just a rough outline to provide structure on how to work out what works for them and what doesn’t. The example of boundaries I help them set sometimes get broken, even with the best of intentions. And that’s okay! I have clients that come back for their follow up, are dating someone and terrified because they didn’t hold super firm on a boundary. For example, fooling around with the potential partner earlier than anticipated. I get the anxiety. I too have felt this before when I was working out what worked for me and what didn’t. Here’s what I tell them:

  1. The most important thing in potential partnership is communication and communicating needs. So, if something physical happened sooner than anticipated (it can happen! We are only human) talk about it with your potential partner. Have the conversation about how you wanted to move slowly because you want to make sure your both on the same page about what you each want. Then tell them what page you are on and ask which page they are on! The way the potential partner responds to you through the conversation will be a fantastic indicator of if you should continue to move forward or not. Are they understanding? Are they communicating their needs back to you? Are they able to be vulnerable with you too? Are they communicating they are on the same page? If the answers are all yes to those questions than you’re moving forward with someone who is aligned with you and if the answers are no, it’s time to walk away.

  2. After you have a convo, readjust! You can push too far on a boundary, realize you want to continue to move slowly and readjust. Again, a partner who is on board with you and wants the same thing will readjust right with you. If they don’t, they are showing you they aren’t where you are and that’s okay! Better to find out sooner, rather than later.

This work is never about perfection. It’s about showing up as honestly and authentically as possible. We will all not stick to our boundaries 100% of the time and if we know how to navigate those situations with grace for ourselves than we can really lean into the process.

If you’re feeling stuck about boundaries, I look forward to connecting over a session.

Recommend a friend or family to me and as a thank you, you’ll receive a free 45 minute follow up session with me! (for current clients only!)