New love for your old love

Break ups are hard. Obviously! We all process them differently but, I think we can agree breakups are sad. There’s always that point, after a break up, where you start to feel better. Life is on the up swing and it’s always at that moment that you’ll see your old love with a new love. Knowing your ex is moving on can be even more painful than the break up and that’s what I want to talk about today.

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Dunking and bleaching

2017 was a big high for me. I got sober. I started long distance running. I started to taking French. I took control of my health and felt the best I have since my health declined when I was 27. My work was fulfilling. I realized a huge dream of mine and set out on a journey through SE Asia. I fell in love and got to travel with my partner (another dream). It was a lot of expansion. There were heartbreaks and let downs inside of that but mostly it was just a year of hell yes. The start of 2018 continued that trend. I was still madly in love and still traveling. High up in the clouds as I expanded from the experience. And then I came home.

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Stop looking. No really.

When I was single for 8 years, I was pretty desperate for a relationship. I would talk to people who had been single for long periods of time and found love again. I would talk to women who found their partners at later point in life. I would talk to anyone in a relationship really and ask them, “How do I find this? How did YOU find this?” They all said the same thing. Literally, everyone person told me the same piece of advice over and over. Stop looking.

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An ode to our Breast friends

First guest post alert! My dear friend, Leslie Bish, is here spitting some real talk on boobies. Leslie is an illustrator, herbalist, movement instructor and all around kick ass human. In today’s post she is going to help us ladies understand the importance of self breast massage, our lymph in relation to our breasts and prove us with a killer recipe for her breast salve. Keep reading and let us know what you think!

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A guide to enjoying online dating

I’ve been single again for about 7 months. And I’m loving it. Around the end of September and early October, I started to get hints that I was ready to start dating again. I had a couple dreams back to back that showed me I was getting the go ahead from the deepest parts of me to begin to call in my new partner. I sat with the feeling for awhile because I have been truly savoring this season in my life and I’m in no rush to let it end. In November I finally felt ready to listen to the call and start the process of opening my gates once again.

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Dating and beauty

When I think of going out on a date, I automatically think of all that entails to get ready for one. It’s the time we women pull out all the stops: shave our legs, wear cute undies that might even match our bra, curl our hair and put on perfect makeup. It has felt like we have to do these things or we won’t be viewed as attractive or put together. Sometimes it feels impossible to separate what we do for the male gaze and what we do for ourselves.

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Single and the Holidays

Being single around the Holidays tends to get a bad rap. Movies depict this scenario as being sad and the single person (it’s usually a woman) longing for love. And the trope has stuck. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Being single isn’t a curse or something we are afflicted with or a burden. Being single is a time of self discovery, exploration and being selfish.

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The new relationship anxiety

So, you meet a guy. First date went well. He asked for a second date on the first, score. Second date went great too. There’s been some fun playful banter over text in-between seeing each other. Third date is even better. And now, you’re not really hearing from him. He’s still reaching out but, maybe there’s more time in-between his responses to you. The anxiety sets in. Is it me? What happened? Is he bailing?

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Foolish games

One of the biggest complaints I hear about dating as a love coach is the amount of games involved when seeing someone. I understand the complaint and I used to have a similar one even though I was out there playing all sorts of game too. Now, I recognizes games are useless and not needed. What is sorely need in place of games is radical vulnerability and boundaries. What’s the difference? Glad you asked!

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How to get over an ex

Whew. This is going to be one my most venerable posts. Why? Well, the stories I share here used to create a lot of shame within me. And though, I don’t feel that shame presently, sharing this still feels raw. It feels really important to share though because I know other humans go through this too. How do we get over an ex we can’t seem to get over?

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Acting my authenticity

“You don’t act like a 30 year old Amanda!”

When I was 30, I managed a yoga studio in upstate NY for about 6 months. It was a huge learning experience, mostly in what I didn’t (and still don’t) want out of a work environment and what kind of behavior I will and will not accept. Also, why living with humans you work for is probably not the greatest idea. At one point during this 6 month stint, the owner of the studio I managed and I got in a fight about something trivial. However, I do remember vividly when she lashed out at me with the insult of, “You don’t act like a 30 year old Amanda!”. I was so wounded by her accusation and felt like I had been found out for the fraud I was and felt immense shame.

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Vulnerability

I am a love coach. What that means is I help my clients find love. The way I do help is by guiding them on rebuilding their inner foundation so that it is rooted in self love, self worth and their own power. Once they have built a foundation and trust in themselves then they can go to call in the relationship of their dreams. How do I know this works? I did it for myself first.

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It's your wounds

When I was in college I met a boy and we dated on and off for a year. I was very in love with him but could never fully express my feelings because the relationship never felt secure. He never told me how he felt about me for one and for two we barely saw each other despite the fact that we lived a whole 5 minutes from the other and went to the same college. We also cheated on each other! It was a weird relationship to say the least. But, I couldn’t let him go! Even after we broke up and he was dating someone else, I was still his side chick. I told my friends at the time even though logically I understood why I should walk away, my heart wouldn’t let me.

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Open gates

I cannot count the number of times I have heard a human say the following, “It’s impossible to meet someone in person!”. I whole heartily disagree with this statement. However, it is understandable why humans have begun to think this way- the internet has made it so we don’t have to interact in person but, can instead interact online. We, especially New Yorkers, are running around with a 900 million things to do and so turned on by idea of how “busy” we are, tell ourselves we don’t have “time” to meet someone in person. These are bullshit excuses. Meeting someone in person is easy! In fact, I’ve met all my past boyfriends in the wild!

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Crazy women

Have you ever been called crazy? I have. I've been called it to my face and behind my back. Both are equally demeaning and heartbreaking. I hear a lot of men call their ex girlfriends or women they aren't interested in as "crazy" but, I mostly hear women calling other women "crazy". It drives me nuts (pun intended) and I think it needs to stop. 

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Foundations

As a love coach, most of my clients seek me out because they want to get into a relationship and haven't had any luck. I can completely understand their turmoil because I myself have ben through a similar longing. They are often very surprised (and resistant!) when I tell them to take a 3-6 month break from dating. "But! I want a relationship", they exclaim. It may seem counter intuitive to take a break from the very thing you want but, it isn't. Here's why…

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