The new relationship anxiety

So, you meet a guy. First date went well. He asked for a second date on the first, score. Second date went great too. There’s been some fun playful banter over text in-between seeing each other. Third date is even better. And now, you’re not really hearing from him. He’s still reaching out but, maybe there’s more time in-between his responses to you. The anxiety sets in. Is it me? What happened? Is he bailing?

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Foolish games

One of the biggest complaints I hear about dating as a love coach is the amount of games involved when seeing someone. I understand the complaint and I used to have a similar one even though I was out there playing all sorts of game too. Now, I recognizes games are useless and not needed. What is sorely need in place of games is radical vulnerability and boundaries. What’s the difference? Glad you asked!

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How to get over an ex

Whew. This is going to be one my most venerable posts. Why? Well, the stories I share here used to create a lot of shame within me. And though, I don’t feel that shame presently, sharing this still feels raw. It feels really important to share though because I know other humans go through this too. How do we get over an ex we can’t seem to get over?

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Acting my authenticity

“You don’t act like a 30 year old Amanda!”

When I was 30, I managed a yoga studio in upstate NY for about 6 months. It was a huge learning experience, mostly in what I didn’t (and still don’t) want out of a work environment and what kind of behavior I will and will not accept. Also, why living with humans you work for is probably not the greatest idea. At one point during this 6 month stint, the owner of the studio I managed and I got in a fight about something trivial. However, I do remember vividly when she lashed out at me with the insult of, “You don’t act like a 30 year old Amanda!”. I was so wounded by her accusation and felt like I had been found out for the fraud I was and felt immense shame.

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Vulnerability

I am a love coach. What that means is I help my clients find love. The way I do help is by guiding them on rebuilding their inner foundation so that it is rooted in self love, self worth and their own power. Once they have built a foundation and trust in themselves then they can go to call in the relationship of their dreams. How do I know this works? I did it for myself first.

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It's your wounds

When I was in college I met a boy and we dated on and off for a year. I was very in love with him but could never fully express my feelings because the relationship never felt secure. He never told me how he felt about me for one and for two we barely saw each other despite the fact that we lived a whole 5 minutes from the other and went to the same college. We also cheated on each other! It was a weird relationship to say the least. But, I couldn’t let him go! Even after we broke up and he was dating someone else, I was still his side chick. I told my friends at the time even though logically I understood why I should walk away, my heart wouldn’t let me.

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Open gates

I cannot count the number of times I have heard a human say the following, “It’s impossible to meet someone in person!”. I whole heartily disagree with this statement. However, it is understandable why humans have begun to think this way- the internet has made it so we don’t have to interact in person but, can instead interact online. We, especially New Yorkers, are running around with a 900 million things to do and so turned on by idea of how “busy” we are, tell ourselves we don’t have “time” to meet someone in person. These are bullshit excuses. Meeting someone in person is easy! In fact, I’ve met all my past boyfriends in the wild!

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Crazy women

Have you ever been called crazy? I have. I've been called it to my face and behind my back. Both are equally demeaning and heartbreaking. I hear a lot of men call their ex girlfriends or women they aren't interested in as "crazy" but, I mostly hear women calling other women "crazy". It drives me nuts (pun intended) and I think it needs to stop. 

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Foundations

As a love coach, most of my clients seek me out because they want to get into a relationship and haven't had any luck. I can completely understand their turmoil because I myself have ben through a similar longing. They are often very surprised (and resistant!) when I tell them to take a 3-6 month break from dating. "But! I want a relationship", they exclaim. It may seem counter intuitive to take a break from the very thing you want but, it isn't. Here's why…

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Travel yourself

On Friday, I will have been back in the states for 3 months. I feel like I have readjusted to life back in the states after 3 months and am happy to be here. I do feel the shift that happened while I traveled, realizing what's actually important to me has stuck with me upon my return and for that I am grateful. While I was reading IG yesterday, Dani Bernstein posted about feeling melancholy on a trip she had been manifesting for years. Reading her words I was struck by my own feeling of melancholy while traveling and a deep nostalgia I feel now. 

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Shift to neutral

How do you talk about a guy who recently spurned you with your girlfriends? Not so great I would guess. It's common, we all do it and egg each other on each time. "He was a dick!", you'll tell a friend to ease the sting of a recent heart break. "He is emotionally stunted and fuck him!", you'll console your friend who just got ghosted. Right? I've done it a thousand times. It seems harmless right? It isn't. 

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Background noise

Do you a have person or multiple people in your life who you've wondered "will we, won't we" about? You pretend that you guys are friends but, in reality you aren't and it's more about the two of you keeping tabs on the other and around, just in case. Like a back up. Or background noise? Background noise can make us feel less lonely--whether we are working from home and we have the TV on in the background to give us the sense of being around people or keeping potential partners hovering in the background of our lives so we have the illusion of an option. 

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Needs

Once upon a time, I was dating a truly wonderful guy. I hadn't written a list down for the partner I was looking for at that time but, if I had, he would have been the whole thing. He treated me like a Queen, was romantic without me asking, loved me and had his shit together. He was fantastic. Yet, I constantly complained to him about him not doing this or that enough. When we broke up, he told me he felt like nothing he did was enough. It wasn't. However, it wasn't because of something he wasn't doing. It was because of something I wasn't doing. 

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Body love

Have you ever felt like you won't be able to attract a partner in until you lose 10lbs, tone up, do more squats to lift your butt? I have. Not only is it a lie, it's also a huge block to finding real, lasting love. For years, when I saw a cute guy I would immediately dismiss him finding me attractive because I was too, insert perceived body flaw, and would immediately shut down energetically. Shutting down energetically made me feel small and I literally shrank away and out of this person's view. My limited belief was the guy would only see my flaws and therefore find me not good enough. 

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Dating disasters

Dating is weird...prickly even. See what I did there? All kidding aside, I was single for 8 years in New York and dated A LOT. I've had 1,000 (rough estimate) first dates and probably had my heart broken as many times. NYC is a tough place to look for love. When I was about to move to New York, I read a magazine article that said if I was looking for a husband to move to Denver because I wouldn't find one in NYC. I believe I know the reason why.

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